Worst Garden Ever

This summer was absolutely, positively the worst gardening season I've ever experienced. Hot and dry. Everything withered. Truly pitiful harvest:

• asparagus (before drought): 40 stalks
• rhubarb (before drought): 1 pound
• German garlic: about 60 (smaller than expected)
• Russian garlic: about 30 from previously planted cloves, another 30 or more from rounds. Kinda' lost count. They were small enough that it was hard to tell which were Russian and which were German
• Snap peas: a dozen or two
• Green beans: 2 quarts (two separate plantings)
• summer squash: 5
• butternut squash (from volunteers; purchased plants died): 4
• Kabocha squash: 0
• banana peppers: half a dozen, puny
• Ace peppers: half a dozen, puny (and the nursery where I got the variety has closed, so I don't know what I'll do for plants next year)
• onions: 30 white (small to average), 20 red (small)
• shallots: 9, but only good for replanting
• Cherry tomatoes: best crop, but still far fewer than in a normal year
• swiss chard: 3 plants. Puny.